Eastern Entrances

From host Nick’s directions, I know that there is a Metro Station at Vokzal, which I shall take to Avenue Khreschtatik. I move sluggishly through the main station, jet-lagged and bleary. Passing through enormous and heavy brass handled-doors, I enter into a cavernous hall reminiscent of New York’s Grand Central: three-story ceilings, a cascading marble staircase a la Battleship Potemkin (or The Untouchables, if you prefer), urgent commuters… And then I notice numerous burly, steel-faced men in police uniforms and flak jackets, brandishing semi-automatic weapons and pacing menacingly. “Where is the exit?,” I wonder, intimidated. At last, my luggage and I find the door to the outside, and a pedestrian path leading to Metro Station Vokzalna.

The Metro entrance resembles a Chemistry 101 animated demo of the spastic travel path of electrons colliding spontaneously and changing direction with unpredictable frequency. Cost of one fare? Two hryvnia (sixteen cents). Token machine? Great…

Of course the token machine rejects every token I attempt to insert. I do the thing where you smooth the bill by sliding it back and forth against the corner of the machine--no dice. I fish around for a different hryven’, while balancing the load of luggage between the wall beneath the token dispenser and my body, blocking the way for many hasty commuters. This hryven’ doesn’t work either, nor the next bill. To the ticket window!

Like an upstream salmon, I lumber against the flow of humanity and obtain 5 tokens for 10 UAH. Now: to the trains! Through the turnstyle and down the escalator I go.

Keep in mind this is not your average one- or two-story public transit escalator. Noooooo way. You’re riding on this thing for a good three minutes (check out the Ed Wood length escalator ride below... it's comically long!). There’s a reason for that, as my illustrious tour guide Iko later explained to me:

The Kyiv Metro was constructed by the Soviets in 1960, in the midst of the Cold War. The underground tunnels were intended to serve as a makeshift bomb shelter in the event of a nuclear attack. For that reason, the train tunnels are embedded deep, deep inside the earth; this subway system is not for the claustrophobic. My paranoia taunts me again: if there was to be a terrorist attack, this anti-nuclear womb would tragically transform into a gruesome tomb.

The subway platform is more crowded than a motherfucker. God, I’ve got all this cumbersome luggage, I’m moving all slow, I’m in everyone’s way. I am that person. This is penance for every impatient behavior I’ve committed as a seasoned Septa traveler. So it goes.

Metro arrives at Vokzalna: sardines. Welp, time to be pushy and aggressive, which is no trouble at all, considering that I’m a Philadelphian. I force my way onto an earthy-smelling subway car and station myself right beside the door. My eyes water at the pungent odor of humanity. Dirty looks all around. Whatevs, we all have someplace to go. At least it’s only two stops--which feels like an eternity considering the circumstances.

Хрещатик. Слава Богу, заїхала! Back onto Jacob’s escalator… thoughts of interdimensional tunnel vision penetrate my third eye as the stairs steadily move me and my luggage toward the distant glow.

At long last, I step out of the tunnel and into the light. I find myself in a dome-shaped room with an oculus that concentrates a puddle of sunlight onto the middle of the floor. Mosaic glass adorns the walls in a warm-cool, floor-ceiling pattern. My vision is captivated.

Following foot traffic, I exit the metro; shit, I have no idea where i’m going, might as well follow someone who does. Immediately, I am confronted by a mangled riot police transport vehicle forming part of a barricade that cordons off a sea of olive green army tents. Piles of tires, deconstructed pallets, sandbags, barbed wire, and other pilfered materiel compose the rest of the enclosure. I gaze at wispy smoke from campfires drifting over the barricade, and it hits me: I’ve just arrived at the heart of the Майдан Незалежности!

welcome to Kyiv